how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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