in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
