i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
