You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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