moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How does it feel to date your dad?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
