At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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