And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
