im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
