I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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