I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
