Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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