Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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