I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
