wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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