I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
