Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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