he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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