So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
