i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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