I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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