I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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