i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
