Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
