just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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