Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's shark week go big or go home
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
