I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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