Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
