Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she told me i tasted like america
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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