u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
