dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
