I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
