i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bring me that man meat
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
