Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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