dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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