I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
