He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
