i barfeds in our rink
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
