At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
