he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
