if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
