just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
