He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
