She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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