Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
