I haven't been this sober since birth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
