if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
