I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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