Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have started to decorate penises.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
