Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
