You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
