Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
