Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
