I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
