and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
