im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
