I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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